On my own now

For several weeks passed and up to this moment, I am currently being tested in this life. This is the time there is so much hardship and pain. This is the first time I experience and still experiencing to be scared in my life and my future. This thing does not involve career, but this involve a more personal thing. How I wish life can be more kind to me. But I cannot blame the things happened to me to anyone but to myself. Maybe not even blaming myself, just think that life is just the way it is.

I am struggling, having pain inside of me. There are times that I want to surrender, there are times that I want to stop. Sometimes, I wonder how will I survive this situation I am having right now, sometimes, I think whether I can pass this. I don't know what to hope, I don't know what to think. All I know I am living in this world with uncertainty. I am trying to be strong,. I need to be strong. I have to be strong not for myself but for my family.

This is the real life...it's not always happiness, most of the time its the contrary of it.

Read more...

Pause For A Moment

Well I just thought to share what I experienced last Sunday. I was busy doing something and I checked the weather in the afternoon by looking at the sky outside the house and I guess it is going to rain. After an hour, rain fell. My younger sister invited me to go outside and play under the rain. At first, I rejected her and told her to go ahead on her own. Then, rain gets tougher, then I realized, it was a long time ago that I played under the rain. I stood up and I found myself outside the house and got wet under the rain. It felt good to feel the rain drops again with my face. The feeling was so strange like I never experience it before. The water was cold but it did not really bothered me. While I was soaking myself under the rain, I realized that sometimes it felt good to be just like under the rain, felt the simplicity of life. No problems, no work, like all the things that surrounded me are just nothing, it was just like me and the rain. I was like this for almost an hour, like my world had stop moving for a while, it made me relax for a moment.

Before I end that moment, I grab my digital camera and took some shots of the rain, most of them are not good..c",) but I chose best two for this blog.

Read more...