On my own now

For several weeks passed and up to this moment, I am currently being tested in this life. This is the time there is so much hardship and pain. This is the first time I experience and still experiencing to be scared in my life and my future. This thing does not involve career, but this involve a more personal thing. How I wish life can be more kind to me. But I cannot blame the things happened to me to anyone but to myself. Maybe not even blaming myself, just think that life is just the way it is.

I am struggling, having pain inside of me. There are times that I want to surrender, there are times that I want to stop. Sometimes, I wonder how will I survive this situation I am having right now, sometimes, I think whether I can pass this. I don't know what to hope, I don't know what to think. All I know I am living in this world with uncertainty. I am trying to be strong,. I need to be strong. I have to be strong not for myself but for my family.

This is the real life...it's not always happiness, most of the time its the contrary of it.