Year 2010

I just missed writing my own thoughts, I had been out a while and not able to update this blog of mine. While looking back of Year 2010, although its not ended yet, I remember the life that passed on me. I can say that Year 2010 is not really for me.

I experienced the saddest thing in my life. I had been in a place and I lived there in 11 months, it was a beautiful place for many people but for me its the loneliest place I had ever been.

I never enjoy my work not because I am tired of it but the real essence of my work is somewhat vague.


I had been far from family and friends, and away from my nature adventures.

Year 2010 may not been really good to me, but I see hope before it ends. New life comes into me and I look forward that the life I had were a trials to me.

I survived year 2010 and I learned a lot of things in life.

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On my own now

For several weeks passed and up to this moment, I am currently being tested in this life. This is the time there is so much hardship and pain. This is the first time I experience and still experiencing to be scared in my life and my future. This thing does not involve career, but this involve a more personal thing. How I wish life can be more kind to me. But I cannot blame the things happened to me to anyone but to myself. Maybe not even blaming myself, just think that life is just the way it is.

I am struggling, having pain inside of me. There are times that I want to surrender, there are times that I want to stop. Sometimes, I wonder how will I survive this situation I am having right now, sometimes, I think whether I can pass this. I don't know what to hope, I don't know what to think. All I know I am living in this world with uncertainty. I am trying to be strong,. I need to be strong. I have to be strong not for myself but for my family.

This is the real life...it's not always happiness, most of the time its the contrary of it.

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New in Everything?

It's almost two weeks had passed and probably I immediately settle down myself in the new world I am currently living in. Yes, there were tremendous changed happened in my life after I decided to accept the job offer I had abroad.

Now that I am in the so called "new world", I guess I have to accept the life that I maybe having here.

Here are the catch..

1. No more work after working hours (well this thing is kind of new to me, all my previous companies that I had, I used to work even after working hours - like being on call, work from home, or sometimes, need to go back to the office to resolve issues)

2. Traveling to work from and to probably boring or exciting (because my home is almost or more than an hour from home, but I don't have to waste my time, either I will sleep or have a book to read and enjoy my music together)

3. Cost of living is really high, but for two weeks, I learned if the price is good or not (although I knew that I will learn a lot in due time).

4. Although I am living with family abroad, I need to be independent to a lot of things (that's what the adult should be doing anyway).

5. I need to find a new hobby that will be fit with my working schedule (as of now I am still looking for that hobby since my mountaineering adventure will be in pause mode for the moment).

6. Mix culture and race are really diverse in the world I am moving in, and understanding different kind of culture, the way they live and being smart dealing with them will really help me.

I knew there are lot of new things that I may experience or going to happen in my life, but I guess I have to enjoy it, no need to hurry and no need to overwhelm myself.

Until then.

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Back After A While

I know its been a while since the last time I updated this blog and I know I am not sure if I can keep a promise even to myself but I will try my best to keep this blog updated, especially this time that there are tremendous changes happened and keep on happening in my life.

But for all, life is so short and I have to enjoy it...c",)

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When I Started To Like Reading?

There are times when I am trying to understand what things or stuff interest me, well I can say that lots of things, not only just one but more than one.

I am fond with arts, crafts, history, documentaries, travel, adventure, people, emotions, fictions, stories, business, news, politics, sports and a lot lot more.

I guess we can start in my reading interest.

Just an introduction for this kind of stuff. I started to become an avid reader (of any kind - not only one type of material) when I was in college. That time, I was taking up Computer Engineering course. Two years before I graduated in college, I was in state of thinking "What will be my future after my university life?" This triggered me to think what do I wanted to be, which led me to think what kind of work I wanted to have.

Computer Engineering course will either lead me to focus in hardware stuff job or software side. This helps me to think, "I can be a network engineer or become a technical engineer which will focus in electronics related jobs, automation and the like". Then, another thoughts told me, "I can have a software related jobs like programming and similar to this". During that time, I weigh both side and compare the pros and cons for better decision.

Then, I decided to focus on the software side. I wanted to be a programmer. With that decision, I started reading technical material stuff related to programming. My reading interest started there. Read technical programming books. From here I realized I love reading....well that was how it started...c",)

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Everything Has A Purpose And Reason

Everything happened in our life has a purpose and reason. This is one of the idea that I know is true. Things probably go wrong and do not align to what we like and what we wanted but still there is a reason. Situations can be bad or good. Event can hurt us or it inspire us. But this is the reality of life. What we need to understand, is the purpose of things, events or people in our life.

For the past months that I experience trial in my life, I can say that life still beautiful because if there are things went wrong, there are things went right. I like my life, I know its not perfect and probably boring for others but I am happy and that is important.

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Leaving On A Jet Plane

I know that most of us probably experience the sadness in out heart every time when someone important in our life left us for different kinds of reasons. Every time my father leaves our home I always have this feeling. But even it makes our life lonely especially for my mother, we have to continue living our life.

I knew my parents sacrificed already their life for us for a very long time. They sacrificed the time wherein they have to live their life together. I knew they are so tired. Right now, I am thinking to do something for them. I may sacrifice my own happiness like my current work and other personal happiness to do something for my parents and my family. I really don't want to give it up but I may do it to give happiness to my family that had been deprived especially to my parents for a very long time. And since I am planning to do something, I really have to be ready when that decision arrived.

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Work

Work makes my life busy and makes myself apart from the real world. I am a working in technical world. Technology and the like. But my works makes me happy. Why? Simple reason, it makes myself think. Sometimes I found myself like a kid thinking how things work and trying to understand or discover the idea behind it. And for me, most of the time, thinking and analysis makes my day complete. There are things that I cannot stop thinking until I figure out and really understand what happened or what causes the things happened at work. I am always like this. I already knew myself from the first company where I develop my career up to the present company.

Photo I captured after I composed this post.

But there are times that work exhausted my mind. And that is the time I am thinking to do something else. Like watching movies in marathon, as in whole day. Or I will invite my two sisters to go out to the city and have some fun. Fun to me is not night out life, because I do not usually go out at night. Fun to me are like watching movies in cinema or theater. Dining out with friends and talk the whole day. These are the common stuff that I do right now especially if I do not have climb schedule or any trip with my mountaineering group. These days of my life, I find enjoyment aside from work. Before, my life was just work, but now it is totally different. It takes time for me to realize that I should enjoy life outside work.

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Where Are We Going?

"Where are we going?". There are times that this question are so complicated to answer. Even myself sometimes struggle to find the answer of this difficult inquiry. But because this life in this world are so interesting, we might find ourselves learning where we wanted to go and even we might understand where are the other people are going.

There were two kinds of people. First, the people who knew where they are going. And second, the people who have no idea where they are moving. The people who knew where they are going are the people who have visions in their lives. They are the people who understand their selves. They know what they like, they know what they wanted to be and they can see their future. On the contrary, the people who has blurry knowledge about their selves are the people who does not know what they really like, no idea what they wanted to be and they are the people who do not know themselves.


We all experience the state of mind asking ourselves "What do I really want?", "Am I happy now?", "Is it worth doing this?", "Is this for real?". We are all under the process of understanding ourselves. Sometimes, it is confusing to understand ourselves and most of the time, it takes time before it happen.

Understanding where we are going is really important in our life because our future depends on it.

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Pause For A Moment

Well I just thought to share what I experienced last Sunday. I was busy doing something and I checked the weather in the afternoon by looking at the sky outside the house and I guess it is going to rain. After an hour, rain fell. My younger sister invited me to go outside and play under the rain. At first, I rejected her and told her to go ahead on her own. Then, rain gets tougher, then I realized, it was a long time ago that I played under the rain. I stood up and I found myself outside the house and got wet under the rain. It felt good to feel the rain drops again with my face. The feeling was so strange like I never experience it before. The water was cold but it did not really bothered me. While I was soaking myself under the rain, I realized that sometimes it felt good to be just like under the rain, felt the simplicity of life. No problems, no work, like all the things that surrounded me are just nothing, it was just like me and the rain. I was like this for almost an hour, like my world had stop moving for a while, it made me relax for a moment.

Before I end that moment, I grab my digital camera and took some shots of the rain, most of them are not good..c",) but I chose best two for this blog.

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Music As Part of My Life

When I was in high school, I was not a music lover. But, music became part of my life when I madly fell in love with someone when I was 16 years old. Since I was inspired, the type of music I was listening to had a themes of love and emotions.

Time passed, I was broken-hearted and I started to hate love songs or any similar sounds. My reactions and reasons were so obvious why I hated emotional music so much. I do not want to feel the pain or remember any of the past that broke my heart for the very first time in my life.

key chain traditional / cultural drums

Since I was trying to avoid love music, this directed me to change the music I wanted to hear. Rock or alternative rock replace the music I had been listening to. Alternative rock music helped me to forget all the heartaches happened to my life during my high school time. And I can say that there is a part of me being thankful, because of the situation happened to me, it led me discover one part of myself. I realized that I like the combination of sounds of drums and guitars. I love to hear the background music of the songs. I am fascinated to listen to the base sounds.

Up to this moment, I used to listen to alternative rock music. Not because I am still affected by my past, but because I fell in love with the type of sounds. I discovered lots of beautiful songs of old and new artist in this field. And there was a time that I dreamed to become part of the band, playing music instruments such as drummer (this is one of my frustration in my life that did not happened to me).

Music is part of my life. Maybe specific situation led me to appreciate it. My music preference changed but this led me to understand myself in another way.

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Our Mind

clipart came from ms office

I read some books which tells us how powerful our minds can be. Something I learned few years ago, that the way we think affects our current and even our future life. Whatever we have in our thoughts become our reality. I do understand it. If I am pessimist to all things, I will get frustrated and that is not good for me. That is where the optimism have good effect. But sometimes, we can't control ourselves in different situation (but I know we should be always in control). Why? Maybe because we are not expecting things to be turn out different of what we wanted it. The effect will be surprises, so what should we do? Don't expect anymore? No one can really tell us what is going to happen in our life in the next seconds. I myself can think for now I am just writing something but I can't predict what is going to happen to me in the next seconds in my life. I can actually say that my minds right now think a lot of stuff and maybe I am not aware earlier but I am at this moment. My mind can shift from one thing to another in a matter of seconds and sometimes I will notice it but most of the time I did not.

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